This is more a legal question. We live in NJ so if anything I would need advise what to do. My lawyer is on vacation so the phone calls and e-mail I send her seems to take a little longer so I just need to get some suggestions. So here it goes.

Our marital home is on the market and it is expected that we sell it as a short sale. Yesterday my STBX who has been in contact with the realtor all this time is the one that gets the news first. In the morning she got a call stating someone made an offer, so she text me stating this and added that she had enrolled the kids in the town we used to live in 2 years ago. Now at this point of our divorce we are still in negotiation so nothing is still official yet. I was not consulted in this decision she made about enrolling the kids in that town. In other words I did not give any consent. I feel that they will be moving out this weekend since school starts for the kids this Tuesday after labor day. So here are the questions that I need to have an Idea on what to do:

1) Since the buyer that offered in the Morning back out because they found another house technically there is no sale yet. If I stay in the Marital Home and she takes the kids with her even without any official divorce decree what can I do to have the kids stay in the Marital home with me?

2) Is our marital home still considered the primary residence of the children? If so, can I go to the school where she enrolled the kids and mention that the kids address is still in our town.

3) If she vacates this weekend is she still obligated to pay for the utilities because that was her share ever since. Remember I will obviously stay there since you can't just vacate a house.

4) Lastly I have been told by my STBX that there is nothing I could do about this because she is the mother and she asked for Primary Residency in our Settlement. Is her statement true that even if that has not been agreed on yet that she can start assuming that role?

Any advise will be greatly appreciated.

1st – I am not a lawyer and I do not live on the East coast – however, my opinion:

Hopefully your L will answer soon – but from all of my dealings with issues along these lines – at least in my state, she cannot take the kids more then 50 miles away without a court order. However – as you say, you have not divorced yet.

But I believe you have as much right and say so about EVERYTHING dealing with the kids until the court says other wise. Enforcing this is a different matter. You could call the non-emergency # of your police department and file a complaint for her trying to take the kids without a court order.

One question – how far away is this other town?


No idea.


Actually you can both move out of the house – but you are still responsible for the bills.



She’s full of BS – but may be doing this at the advise of her lawyer, who may also know that your lawyer is out of town. Again – call the non-emergency police # and maybe even the local DA and ask them if you cannot get a hold of your L. She's trying to just bully you into doing what she wants. However - IF you act without good LOCAL legal advise - you could end up in trouble...............if what she is doing is against the local laws - a local agency (i.e. police) will have to deal with it - if you go and unenroll them or pull them out of school, you could get in trouble and it could possibly traumatize the kids to be caught in the middle of a verbal and or physical war between you two.

Some times stepping back may not be what you think is best, but it may save a lot of anguish for the kids and legal trouble for you. Once you act - you cannot take it back.

thanks onholdaz.

To give you an update this morning she text me stating that the kids will stay in the same school? Phew, what a relief I thought I have to be in a war path... She also called me and started asking me why I am I making this difficult. I just said "What ?" And I just hung the phone up

Don't have the answers to all your questions, but I can comment about your property and communication with your realtor. If you are both owners, and you are separated, your realtor is responsible to give BOTH of you information at the same time, and that any decision made, must be made by both of you independently. It is like the realtor is working with both of you, but you are separate individuals. One cannot speak in behalf of the other.

When we were selling our property, I made it very clear to the realtor that we BOTH needed to sign any agreement for the sale, and he needed to tell me the exact same thing as he told my H.

Winning

Thank you for the advise. I did text her this morning because I found out that the people that made an offer to our home backed out, they found another house where they don't have to wait for our short sale. She text me back saying that the kids will stay in the same school, and she will take them to school on Tuesday, but since I don't trust her I will follow them so I could also be a part of the first day of school of the kids. She still could drive them to the other school.

Or call the school...stop by there and make yourself known. You know, if she filled ot any paperwork, she may have excluded you as a contac, etc. Make sure you are listed as a contact and make sure they have your email so they can keep you updated on the happenings seeing how your W may not want you to know all that is going on with them at their school. Makes you look like a lesser parent...that may be her thought.

Get involved with the schooling and you will stay in the loop.

Also, make sure you establish regular contact right now, even before the court custody battle begins. I'm not a big fan of shared arrangements such as those in place in Australia because I don't think it is fair on kids to have to try to live between two homes, never having a place to call their own, but if you are going to try for custody or a share custody arrangement, then sort it out right now! The more you have a pattern established before it hits the courts, if the courts find it is working and the kids are doing okay, then the less likely they are to change it.

I have main custody of my kids, but exH has them every 2nd weekend (you could go for Thursday to Tuesday for this), 1 week during mid-semester holidays, and 2 (separate)weeks during the longer summer holidays. I set this up right from the start and even though he is constantly whinging he wants to see them more, he hasn't made a move to have it changed....it's worked so well thus far that we haven't had to go through the courts at all - the agreement is in place. I have know however, that with this pattern in place now for 4 years the courts are less likely to upheave the kids any more than they already have been now that a routine has been established and they are settled.

Having said that, there really is nothing to stop exH picking up the kids and refusing the return them to me.....in that circumstance I'd have to get an emergency court order to have them returned. The police are powerless to do anything about it.

If you don't trust her, then get the lawyers to draw up an interim agreement that you both sign so that you have something in place that at least demonstrates intent. Regardless, get an arrangement in place one way or another and don't back down.

Re the school, make sure that you're listed as a person that's allowed to pick those kids up from school. She may not have included you and in fact may have tried to exclude you from the list. Also make sure that you are listed as an emergency contact as well.