Moving On, Lessons on letting go Options

[cloudy]

I was married over 40 years and just went thru a 4 1/2 hr mediation session to get the "financials" in order. We both lost at this but I doubt he realizes this. My attny said he got the playboy divorce. Almost all the "toys" speed boat, 4 X 4, most of the liquidity, etc. But I got homes, equiity and some peace. As my attny and al my friends (even men) have told me I can hold my head high, nothing to hide or feel guilty about, I didn't have the affair with an obese, ugly whore, I didn't lie constantly to my family and friends and I didn't use money and those lies for control. My attny also said 96% of the ll00+ divorces she has done have only ONE PERSON to blame. She says he will come back, but it will be too late.

Do check into AD's I hung in for 3 years and finally said enough. I'm having a really tough time right now, but I also turn to God and my child, friends and counselor. The kids are having a tough time realizing Dad isn't dad any more and is indeed dating someone they collectively despise and making a fool of himself at work, in public, etc. But we will get thru, I'm stronger some days than others but I will survive. I survived breast cancer, a detached retina (last week) a very rare autoimmune disease so I know I'm being tested but you and all of us can and will do this-and be glad we don't have to face life with our heads up our arses!!!

Hang on, keep posting and DO try the antidepressents, they really do work, if only our X's would.....

[71potc]

Letting Go

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring; it means I can't do it for someone else.

To "let go" is not to cut myself off; it's the realization I can't control another.

To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another; it's to make the most of myself.

To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.

To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To "let go" is not to be protective; it's to permit another to face reality.

To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.

To "let go" is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To "let go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To "let go" is to not regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To "let go" is to fear less and love myself more.

As found from the detaching webpage: http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-de...ing-detachment/
Available in pdf, formatted for framing or hanging.

This post has been edited by 71potc: Oct 8 2009, 10:12 PM

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[71potc]

Letting Go means…

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring.
It means I can't do it for someone else.

To "let go" is not to cut myself off.
It's to make the most of myself within my family and for our community.

To "let go" is to stop enabling or protecting.
It allows learning from natural consequences so they can grow.

To "let go" is to admit powerlessness.
It means the outcome is not in my hands, and I am okay with that.

To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another.
It's the realization that I can't control another.

To "let go" is not to care for,
but to care about.

To "let go" is not to fix or solve.
It means to be supportive or just being there.

To "let go" is not to judge.
It allows another to be human, and to accept all of their flaws and mistakes.

To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes.
It allows others to affect and determine their own destinies.

To "let go" is not to be protective.
It's to permit another to face the reality of their choices.

To "let go" is not to deny the situation or wish it away,
but to accept current reality as truth, no matter how harsh or painful it may be.

To "let go" is not to nag, scold or argue.
It means instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To "let go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody.
It means to try to become what I dream I can be or achieve.

To “let go” is not to hold anger or anguish inside any longer.
It means to use my boundaries so that I can be strong for those who still need me.

To “let go” is not to carry resentment forward.
It is a choice to forgive the wrong done to me, but I don’t have to forget.

To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires.
It means to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To "let go" is to not regret the past.
It means to grow and live for the future, and be thankful for today.

To “let go” is a choice to find some inner peace amidst the pain and chaos.
To "let go" is to fear less and love myself more.

- Adapted from http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-de...ing-detachment/
pdf available below, suitable for hanging or framing

This post has been edited by 71potc: Oct 9 2009, 06:14 AM

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[raising-above-it]

I really needed this thread. I'm so sorry Cloudy for what you have gone through. I too, can hold my head up high because I wasn't the one who cheated in the marriage, or have my children lie about my whereabouts for me. My x married the other woman.
But for some reason I can't understand where's the romance is in a relationship founded on deceit?

Sometimes I think these situations aren't about who's right or who's wrong.....at least not in my family. My three sons seem to think their father is wonderful and so is the woman who busted the family. It's been 4+ years now, and my son's seem to have their heads so far up their father's........ The man can do no wrong.

But for you, I am glad you have the support and loving family that see's the greed and the selfishness of an affair.
Hugs,

This post has been edited by raising-above-it: Oct 9 2009, 03:00 AM

[71potc]

Some wisdom from Pegasus...

http://fortysixty.invisionzone.com/index.p...st&p=153672